Learning to be more careful...

It turns out my EX was using his friends (use to be mutual friends of ours) to spy on my Facebook and my Blog to report back to him. For that I will have to be more careful. *sigh* Someday this will no longer be an issue.

Finding the Good

My boys always make me laugh, no matter what is going on in life. For the last couple of weeks we've been reading the first Harry Potter book to our 5 year old (his request) and it has been so much fun. It's been years since I've read this book and it's brining back so many good memories. Childhood is such a sweet and innocent time, or at least it should be. As I write this blog I am watching my youngest play with his Legos while his big brother and a friend play games. For all the stress and sorrow there is joy in family and friends.

Learning with Kindness

Children can learn with kindness and don't need beatings to make them bend to your will. I wish I could find all those people who hurt children and teach them there are alternatives that take work but their children deserve the effort. What if they don't listen? I fear that the anger in my heart towards those who hit the defenseless is hard to control. I know there is a balance and I need to fight anger with kindness but I have too many memories of my brother and I suffering under the physical torture that adults called "discipline". I know with ever fiber of my being that hitting a child is wrong and at least I can practice this kindness with my own children.

My Aching Knee

The other day I started yoga classes with a person I know from my son's school. She started teaching after working hard to train to become a yoga teacher and I think it's important to support our local community and new teachers. My knee was aching before I started and is still feeling tender. I'm hoping that I can keep moving in a positive direction with my fitness and health so that I can live my dream of hiking and spending more time outdoors.

If I had one dream it would be to live the ultimate dirtbag lifestyle of backpacking and living outdoors with the family. The catch is we don't have the money it takes to be conquistadors of the useless so how do we finance such a lifestyle?

I've been praying to the universe for direction and so far I've had two heavily symbolic night dreams that stand out. In one dream I was on a thru-hike with my family and we were at a junction in Northern California having food in a diner. I woke up from this dream feeling so hopeful and full of energy. I've also had two vivid and joyful dreams of being pregnant that were only hampered by my internal fear of not having enough money to have the baby. In my most recent dream I was pregnant with twin girls and I could feel them moving around in my belly and I was amazed when I could see the outline of a foot pressing against me. I showed my husband and he was also really excited. Being pregnant in dreams often symbolize the creation of a new idea or it can mean that something that I've been planning or thinking about is close to materializing in the waking world. Twins often represent different polarities in the psyche. I still need to meditate on this to understand the symbology in this dream. It's clear my fears are largely based on the finances of making the dream come alive.

I will keep my faith in the universe and myself that I will be able to make my dreams come true. I will also work hard to not let my aches and pains get me down and keep moving forward.

Friends Inspire

I've been thinking about friendship and what it means. I will turn 39 this year and at this point in my life I know of two people who would call me a friend and none who would call me at all. It's so hard to make friends at this age. Sometimes it feels like everyone my age is wrapped up in their children and current social groups. I love my family but I miss having a good friend. I really felt alone when I had to venture to our local mall to find some new undergarments. I felt so isolated and needed someone to take the sting out of being older and not so fashionable. Friends can help you put the world into perspective, make you laugh, care about what you say, inspire you to dream and help you hide the body if necessary. I've tried to make friends with he parents that I've known for the last six years but again I find that small talk is the only thing that ever happens. I will keep hope alive that friendship will still happen but for now I must slay the mall dragons alone.

Job Interviews

Today I finished a phone interview for a software QA contract in Cupertino. I'm excited by the opportunity to take care of my family but I'm also sad that none of my applications for a teaching position have been successful. I tried for over a year and have applied for teaching jobs from Oakland to Salinas. With the number of experienced teachers looking for work it will be difficult to find a teaching position for a while. Last year I graduated with honors with an MS degree along with my teaching credential for multiple subjects and many years before that I got my BA in Mathematics. I was built to teach! :) It feels strange going back to my previous computer industry life but I'm grateful to have a chance at another interview and the ability to take care of my family.

Today I was feeling really tired. We found out on Friday that the house was being sold. Today several real estate came through the house while I was feeding my 3 year old breakfast. It's a crazy time to be looking for a home while we are starting the law firm. I'm trying to find the energy to do everything and my body is failing a bit. I'm going to be modifying www.dysartlawfirm.com again to have a media and a publications section. I need to figure out a better way to do web site changes since my free copy of DreamWeaver is about to run out time. If any of our friends in the Santa Cruz or San Lorenzo Valley area know of a rental, let me know, thanks!